Dealer sells car to man with dementia

When Amy Dowdall watched her 70-year-old husband drive up to her house last December in a brand new, convertible Nissan Murano with a salesman riding shotgun, she could barely pick her jaw off the floor.
That's because her husband, from whom she's legally separated, suffers from dementia and wasn't supposed to be driving anywhere, let alone buying a new car.
She immediately explained her husband's medical condition to the car salesman, and demanded that the car be returned.
While the salesman acknowledged that something had seemed amiss with the man, he told Amy Dowdall that there was nothing he could do now that the sale had been completed, Dowdall said. Continued

Finding Joy in Alzheimer’s

(NYTimes) ... “The wonderful thing about Alzheimer’s,” she once quipped after her diagnosis, “is that you always live in the moment.”
This was a zinger intended to conceal her frustration at having forgotten the punch line to one of her signature anecdotes. But it was, nevertheless, quite true. Through the haze of our grief, my grandfather Alfred and I began noticing that, along with her memories, JoAnn’s grudges, hurt feelings, worries and regrets were disappearing. In fact, within a year, she seemed happier than ever, more present and at peace. Continued

Life Goes On, and On ...

(NYTimes) ... These are the perils old people suffer. What about us, the boomers, now ourselves elderly children? One challenge my entitled generation faces is that many of our long-lived parents are running through their retirement money, which leaves the burden of supporting them to us. (To their credit, it’s a burden that often bothers our parents, too.) And the cost of end-stage health care is huge — a giant portion of all medical expenses in this country are incurred in the last months of life. Meanwhile, our prospects of retirement recede on the horizon. Continued

"She forgot my name"

You know it's going to happen, one day, your loved one with dementia is going to forget who you are. Nevertheless, it's disconcerting - downright upsetting. But it's not about you, at least not when your doing your caregiving. You can grieve later. And anyway, it's still the same person, they're still in there, they just don't remember, that's all.
I think the worst times were when my mother would forget me, then remember me, and then cry because she remembered that she forgot me. She's over that now, which means she's worse, which in this case, is maybe a little better for her.

Caregiving and ritual

It's been my experience that the more ritual you can add to your eldercare, the better. Now that mom is bedridden, we feed and clean her exactly the same way each and every time. This has the added benifit of making the work go more smoothly and faster. I start with hellos and good mornings, then a song:

Good morning to you
Good morning to you
Good morning dear mother
Good morning to you

After that, an announcement "I'm turning on the lights." Then we clean her, then we feed her, then we walk her, along with another song, one she learned in the first grade, and still hasn't forgotten:

The elephant carries a great big trunk
He never packs it with clothes
It has no lock and it has no key
So he takes it wherever he goes.

The walk, just a short one up and down the hallway, keeps her limber and gives my friend time to spruce up the bed. Sometimes mom likes the songs and sometimes she doesn't, but she always seems to know it's me doing the singing. I'm no singer, but as a friend of mine once put it, the Bible doesn't say to make a talented noise, just a joyful one.

Jigsaw Puzzles

As my mom's Alzheimer's progressed, she became less able to do things, which not only left her frustrated, it left her very bored. She was ambulatory and could get around the house by herself, but there just wasn't much she could do to pass the time.
I asked her if she would like some jigsaw puzzles and she said that would be fun, so we took a trip to the toy store.
She started out with 100 piece puzzles and as her condition deteriorated, she went down to 50 piece puzzles, and finally to 25 piece puzzles. She liked doing the puzzles and felt a sense of achievement when she finished one, so much so that she didn't want them to be broken up, so we framed them for her. There are still a few hanging on the wall.
Toy stores can be a good resource. I also bought her a Fisher Price CD player there - it's virtually indestructible.

Serenading Miss Daisy: The Old Folks at Home

It's well documented that our brains store different types of memories in different places. This is clearly evident in the elderly; an octogenarian who may not remember his last name, can still sing along to a tune he hasn't heard in 50 years. It isn't a mere reflexive response, the listener knows what's being played and enjoys it.
In the case of my mother, 84 years old, it has been something of a challenge to find what she listened to, way back when. When I was a kid her tastes had taken on a pious hue, but today, those songs don't appeal to her very much. I remember her telling me about the way they got music when she was a kid: the gramophone & Victrola (78's, 16's, and even wax cylinders), the crystal radio (that she and her sisters called "the hear"), and further along, on a table radio (an Atwater Kent - later repossessed in the Great Depression), but I don't recall her telling me what she listened to on those ancient machines. I probably wasn't paying close attention. To make things even worse, she liked a lot of the music that her mother (born 1890) and her grandmother (born 1855) liked. I had a lot of ground to cover.
A couple of years ago I found a diary she kept as a child and it was full of references to Bing Crosby, so I bought her a Bing Crosby CD and sure enough, she started singing right along. Recently we were watching a documentary about the Carter Family and I was pleasantly surprised to hear her singing along with those songs too. I never expected that, but I remember my aunt once told me "your mother liked hillbilly music when she was a kid." I never quite knew what she meant, until that documentary came along.
Some of the songs from the past are considered objectionable today, especially around young ears, but with all the recording options now available, we can edit those songs out. If your elder likes Stephen Foster, just leave in "Oh Susannah" and leave out "Old Black Joe." You never know what some people will object to: I remember my very Conservative brother-in-law's irritation over his 4 year old having picked up an old song titled "You Ain't Done Nothin' if You Ain't Been Called a Red." I guess it was the poor grammar that bothered him.
There are contemporary musicians who dip into the old songbook on a regular basis. I recommend anything by Leon Redbone or Jim Kweskin. My mom loves those guys. And sometimes, what your elder disliked back then, is now a favorite; my mother didn't care for Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett before, but she likes them now. One more note: It doesn't always work by sitting the person down alone in a room with the music, try playing it in the car or in the background. Oh, and never, ever assume they can work the machine that's playing the songs.

Here are some CD's my mom likes, maybe your mom, or grandma, or great-grandmother, will like them too:

Bing Crosby: 16 Most Requested Songs

Leon Redbone: On the Track

Jim Kweskin: Side by Side

Penthouse Serenade: Nat King Cole at the Piano

The Carter Family: Best Of , Greatest Hits

Swanee: The Music of Stephen Foster

Maria Muldaur: On the Sunny Side

Article courtesy of Falmanac: The Fallston Almanac of American History